When I was a kid, my mom wrote a document titled “Rules to Live By” on our Macintosh computer.
In that spirit, I’ve compiled the Principles I use to operate my life as an adult. They serve as fundamental pillars in my life and work.
My operating principles are a continual work in progress. We should change how we operate as we meet new contexts, new challenges and as we grow and evolve.
Grow and Develop
Grow up, don't just get older (Maya Angelou)
Life is practice. Every moment is a rep. Take practice seriously and limit bad reps
Chase what's interesting to you. "Follow your bliss" (Joseph Campbell). Get your mind blown every week (Neil Degrasse Tyson)
Find your learning edge and struggle. No struggle, no learning
Seek out the opposing viewpoint & idea. Stay open-minded
Don't believe everything you think. You are not your thoughts
Learn through others' experiences. Learn faster, and with less risk through the experiences of others (i.e. books, podcasts, conversations)
Be patient. Don't rush. Re-read. Process and reflect. Real learning takes time
Self witness. Observe your own feelings, behavior, habits. Change starts from within
Ask for feedback. Learning and growth requires a feedback loop
Hardware Before Software
Most issues are "hardware" issues, not "software" issues. You're better off starting with the body than the mind
Manage energy, not time. Life is a series of sprints, not a marathon, and you have limited social, cognitive and physical energy (Jim Loehr, Tony Schwartz)
Move toward discomfort. Feel each feeling. Build awareness of body-based feelings, it's the only way to feel in control of your life
Just start. Starting is the hardest part. Once you've started, you'll have momentum, and momentum is everything
Get rest. Try meditation, hypnosis, a nap, a vacation, time in nature, on the couch, a quiet moment
Move the body. Move when you're feeling tired/lazy/unmotivated try vacuuming, doing the dishes, walking the dog, or exercising
Exercise enough to feel mentally well and physically strong. The Objective of exercise is good health and the critical Key Result is consistency - don't do anything that puts consistency at risk
Go to bed on time. Don't force yourself out of bed, choose a bedtime. When you sleep well, the rest of the day goes well
Find a novel environment. Break out of patterns by going to a new city, a coffee shop, or just moving the laptop to a different room (Visa)
Make Friends
We're here to take care of each other. Friendship is everything.
Help others, because it's in your best interest. Be altruistic because it makes life meaningful
Make people feel special. People don't remember what you said, but they do remember how you made them feel.
Ask questions. Everyone has something to teach you. If you're bored, it's because you haven't gone deep enough.
Be clear with people. Clarity creates confidence and the possibility of co-commitment.
See the potential. Everyone has potential and everyone needs someone to believe in them.
Show up to funerals. It's kind to those left behind and they're a reminder of what's important in life.
Assume the best in people. We're all doing the best we can with what we have.
Serve the purpose of the relationship. Sometimes the purpose is no longer worthwhile. Sometimes people grow or change and can no longer serve the purpose. Let go when the time comes.
Set, discuss, keep boundaries, and walk away when you can't keep them.
With challenging people, manage the interaction, including the duration and the topics.
Remember, You Are Dying
This shall pass, therefore, these words will evolve
Good times don't last. As Hesiod reminds us, “Summer is not forever: now build barns”. Bad times don't either.
“Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now, and we will never be here again.” - Homer
Laugh about it.
Choose Wisely
Ask "will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?" Don't choose comfort and control over growth (Dr. James Hollis)
Know the downsides before deciding. Every choice you make has downsides, every choice you make has opportunity costs.
Think probabilistically. Weigh the odds, because big decisions aren't simple ones. A "hell yes or hell no" binary won't help you push through fear.
Don't take the easy way out. Practice courage - courage will get you what you want. A lack of courage will leave you unfulfilled, regretful, lonely.
Ask for what you want. Know what you want and ask for it. "Depression is the reward we get for being 'good.' But, if you want to feel better, I'd like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you." (Marshall Rosenberg)
Want less things. The recipe for happiness is optimizing the ratio of Haves / Wants (Arthur C. Brooks). You can have anything you want, but not everything (Warren Buffet) and you already have enough
Optimize for things that don't get old or have diminishing returns. (Peter Thiel)
Buy used clothing (with few exceptions).
Live somewhere that requires less driving and more cultural opportunities
Don't finish food, drink, books, podcasts, movies/TV that you're not/no longer getting value from
Build Systems & Discipline
Commit to the process and don't worry about the outcome. You can't control the outcome, but you can control the input
Live to work, but remember that work ≠ job. Work is for a lifetime
Block off time for the most important things. Don't assume you'll have time for it. Calendar blocking increases commitment
Create systems to prevent problems. Choose systems over goals and try to avoid managing problems, whenever possible.
Be self-disciplined so that you're not reliant on motivation. You'll wait forever until it "feels right”
Do hard stuff in the morning (i.e. thinking, creating), when my energy is highest.
Write it down. Writing is thinking, and writing allows you to store ideas for later
Be resourceful. There are always limits, always bottlenecks. Use limited resources creatively because it's necessary, and more fun.
Batch your work. Batching increases focus and gets better results over time
Take responsibility. It's not your fault and it IS your responsibility. Feeling responsibility makes you a causal force in your life (Christopher Avery)
Pay for professional help to make sure it gets done right
When it's 80% done, persist until it's finished. If you don’t focus on finishing, The Resistance will consume the project before it ever gets out (Steven Pressfield)
Journal often. Journaling increases mindfulness, allows for reflection (and learning) and allows you to express emotions in a safe setting
Meditate in order to increase focus and improve awareness of subconscious thoughts and feelings